Beating Immortality
by 22rubens
Summary: Life is a blessing. Immortality is a curse. As Sebastian gets older, he realizes his life is fading - disappearing like ink on a newspaper. He's dying, in a way, immortality is killing him. Sebastian's not about to lose to his own immortality. He's going to win, even if it means taking his own life. Warning: attempted suicide.


**Warnings:** Attempted suicide.

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Immortality is not a good thing. When life is short, it's a blessing. Every new experience is a wonder; a small miracle treasured in the memory of mortals. But when one is immortal, the wonders of the world begin to dull - to fade away like ink on an old newspaper. What was amazing once slowly becomes an insignificant everyday occurrence. To put it plainly, life ceases to hold any importance. Instead, it becomes a struggle. A nuisance. An annoyance.

When Sebastian first came into being (just over two million years ago), the world had seemed like a brilliant place. He had been able to marvel at the wonderful things around him, had even felt human emotions - at least, something close to them.

But after years upon years upon years whizzed by, those emotions dulled and disappeared almost entirely.

He began to tire of the small experiences first. He no longer found interest in sunrises, or human behavior, or the songs of birds, or in just about anything at all. For many years, he thought little of it - this… fading of beauty. Perhaps he noticed the disappearing wonders, but he paid no heed to them and continued with his everlasting life.

Then he began to predict things. At first, his predictions were not entirely accurate. He would predict a human would do one thing, and occasionally it would do another, proving him wrong. But most of the time he was right in his predictions, and as time passed he was right more and more, to the point where almost nothing surprised him.

He knew when a human was going to say this, or when a bird was going to do that. Dogs were the most predictable of all, and he despised them for it. They always did exactly what they had been programmed to do, the disgusting creatures. They did the most predictable things without fail. As he grew older, Sebastian began to hate such predictable creatures, only because they no longer surprised him. They were dull, just as his life was starting to be.

Desperate for an interesting life, Sebastian would surround himself with things he couldn't predict. His favorite animal was the cat, the most unpredictable of creatures (at least in his opinion.) He had almost never been able to foresee the behavior of a cat, even as he grew old, and it was fascinating.

Even as Sebastian began to predict more and more, he wasn't worried - not at all - for what that meant for his quality of life. He didn't fear how little his existence was beginning to mean to him.

Only when he lost interest in the taste of a human soul did Sebastian begin to worry.

Eating a human soul is an extraordinary experience like no other - it is simply indescribable. When Sebastian first came into being, he would feast on soul after soul, almost to no end. As he grew older, he began to eat less and less, until one day he stopped enjoying souls altogether. Sebastian had been just over 820,000 years old when human souls started losing their flavor. He noticed it abruptly, and it startled him to no end, shocked him like nothing ever had before. Only then did he realize he was losing his life.

Not 'losing his life' as in dying, but losing it because it no longer mattered. It was fading away - and rapidly too. Each day he died a bit more, and he knew it. Life grew more and more gray by the second, the light fading.

Sebastian began making contracts. He would starve himself for years, waiting and waiting for the one soul he had set his sights on. At first, contracting humans worked. It gave his life a meaning again, a motive that kept him going, kept him somewhat alive. Starving himself would allow him to enjoy the taste of a soul once again, and he loved it. But eventually even that began to fail, and Sebastian began to realize the inevitable truth.

He was not immortal. He was going to die. Either life would kill him, or he would finish the job himself.

He was too proud to let immortality kill him.

The only problem was that Sebastian didn't know how to kill himself - to his knowledge he was practically indestructible! He didn't know, that is, until he met Grell Sutcliff and his beautiful death scythe. He had a hard time containing his joy when he discovered that the blasted machine could kill him. The only problem was getting said machine, which only shinigami possessed.

Sure, he could just let a grim reaper kill him, after all, many had tried to do so. But he wanted to have at least some say in the matter. Letting a grim reaper kill him would be almost as bad as being defeated by his own immortality. He would still have lost. But how could he possibly get his hands on a death scythe when they were so heavily guarded?

The answer had presented itself to him (quite plainly) in the form of Mr. William T. Spears, the serious, stick-up-his-ass grim reaper. In one of his heated conversations with Sebastian during their time rooming together, he had said:

"If you ever feel the need to kill yourself, please let me know."

He hadn't meant it as an offer (only as an insult) and had been in for quite a surprise when Sebastian actually took him up on it, requesting to meet him at a convenient time and place to discuss the details of his own murder. William had quite graciously agreed to help him (although he never specifically said the word: 'help') and had planned to meet Sebastian on a night near the Phantomhive Manor - when he wasn't busy, of course. Since then, Sebastian had waited (most patiently) for William to meet him, night after night.

Tonight was just like other nights, in most ways at least. Ciel was asleep, and Sebastian was outside waiting for William to meet him in the spot they had designated. The 'designated spot' was where many cats liked to sleep, which was 'lucky' because it had been two weeks since Sebastian and William had made plans, and William hadn't come even once. Sebastian became more and more agitated with each night William failed to arrive, and playing with the ever-unpredictable cats seemed to be the only thing to lighten his mood.

Tonight was slightly different from the other nights, however, because it was the night that William finally bothered to show up.

He simply appeared out of nowhere, popping in front of Sebastian, a mask of disgust already present on his ever-sour face.

"Hello," he said as a stiff greeting, adjusting his glasses. Sebastian put down the cat he was playing with reluctantly.

"I see you've bothered to show up this time. Whatever brought you?" He asked, chuckling. William scowled and tapped his scythe against the ground.

"Unlike you, I am quite busy," he said (Sebastian snorted at this), "and I would have liked to show up earlier. You see, the idea of putting you down, at last, was simply too great to resist. Really, it'll be the highlight of my week."

Silence ensued as the two men stared each other down. William cleared his throat.

"I assume we'll be doing it tonight?"

The words sent a shiver down Sebastian's spine, and his heartbeat quickened in his chest. He took an unnecessary breath, air filling his ancient lungs for the first time in ages.

He wasn't going to lose to immortality. He was going to beat it.

"Yes, I suppose tonight is as good as any other night." His voice did not shake as he spoke.

William nodded. If Sebastian hadn't known better, he would have said the Shinigami looked almost… disappointed, but that couldn't be right. William despised demons, just as most do. No, just as _all_ do.

Raising his scythe and placing it around Sebastian's neck, William began to speak.

"Perhaps you aren't as bad as I originally thought, you know…" he started, adjusting his glasses nervously, "I may have made assumptions about…"

"Just get on with it," Sebastian hissed. William's expression darkened immediately.

"As you wish."

Sebastian closed his eyes as he began to feel the scythe tighten around his neck. It cut through his skin slowly, and he savored the pain it brought. Relief flooded throughout his body for the first time in many, many years. As the scythe sank deeper into his skin, he began to realize just how tired he had been.

Life is a blessing, but immortality is a curse.

"Stop!" A voice cried all of a sudden. The voice was youthful, harsh, and commanding. It was his contractee, Ciel Phantomhive.

William sighed and rolled his eyes, taking his scythe away from Sebastian's neck.

"Pitiful timing," he muttered under his breath before disappearing into thin air. Sebastian glared at the spot where the reaper once stood. He had been _this_ close.

"Sebastian, what the bloody hell where you just doing?"

It was Ciel again. The boy was still in his nightgown, stepping around the corner of the mansion. His eyes were wide, and he was staring at Sebastian intently. He looked almost… pitying. It was a look Sebastian hadn't ever seen on the boy before.

So Ciel had followed him. How many times this week, he wasn't sure, but he certainly hadn't expected it. Then again, it was Ciel's air of 'unpredictability' that had drawn Sebastian to him - that, and his craving for revenge.

"It's none of your concern, my lord," Sebastian responded calmly, walking towards Ciel as if nothing had happened. Beads of blood were dripping down his neck from where the scythe had cut. "Why are you still awake?"

Ciel ignored his butler's question, clenching his fists at his side.

"Sebastian, tell me what you were doing. That's an order, by the way."

He sounded just like a mother scolding a child. Sebastian sighed, the mark of the contract flaring up on the skin beneath his right glove.

"I was having a meeting with William."

Ciel scowled, tapping his foot. He looked rather funny - agitated like that.

"Yes but what for, Sebastian?" He asked irritably, "Stop playing games. I'm bloody tired and I want to know why William's _scythe_ was around your _neck_."

"Because he put it there, my lord."

"Yes, but why weren't you _resisting_?"

"I would have been quite rude, had I resisted," Sebastian calmly replied, "You see, I asked him to kill me."

Ciel's eyes widened. He stared at Sebastian, who calmly returned his gaze. Then the boy's eyes narrowed.

"You aren't joking, are you? If you're lying to me, I swear I'll…"

"Lying is against the contract," Sebastian stated, cutting his master off.

"Then why…"

"It's nothing a mortal could understand." Sebastian snapped. He was growing quite irate. Ciel flinched at his butler's tone, then glared, angry to be made a fool of. Sighing again, Sebastian took the glove off of his left hand and began digging his black nails into his skin - so deep that it drew blood. "Really, young master, this is none of your concern. You ought to be going back to bed."

Ciel growled.

"But it is my concern!" he shouted, "I just saw you attempting to… violate our contract! How could you possibly say that it's none of my concern, Sebastian? I don't understand! What the hell are you playing at?!"

Ciel quickly wiped a tear from his eye with the back of his pajamas. He was crying.

Sebastian stared at Ciel in wonder. The boy was seething, his teeth grinding together and his hands balled into fists. Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes. It was a pitiful sight.

He was obviously in some sort of emotional distress, though as for what the boy was feeling and _why_ Sebastian hadn't a clue. He was just so tired. So, so tired. He had been so close to ending his dull, eternal life, and now he had to continue living. Being alive was so painfully annoying.

Letting out a sigh, the demon butler titled his head back to stare at the star-filled sky. The wind ruffled his hair long, black hair and sent his bangs flying. He just stood like that, staring at the sky for a solid minute before tilting his head down again to look back at Ciel, who was staring at him curiously, his anger long gone.

"Sebastian, are you quite alright?" He asked, and this time his voice was filled with concern. Sebastian tried and failed to keep a smile off of his face. He had done quite well with the boy. Never before had a contractee learned to care for him so much.

There was a moment of silence, then Ciel yawned and turned to go inside, beckoning for Sebastian to follow him. Noiselessly, Sebastian turned to follow his master. They walked silently through the manner's grasses and then down many moonlit hallways - never once uttering a word.

Once they arrived, Ciel opened the door and crawled into bed, snuggling himself deep into the cloud of thick blankets. Sebastian stood awkwardly next to him, waiting for the boy to fall asleep. After about an hour, he decided his master was most likely unconscious, and he turned to leave.

"Wait."

It was Ciel again. He was still awake, and his back was towards Sebastian as he spoke. Sebastian stopped where he was, turning to face his master.

"What is it, young lord?" He asked, exhaustion and irritation creeping into his voice. He didn't much care for what his master had to say. He wanted to visit the manner's small stash of cats in the yard.

"You can go to meet William again if you choose." The boy said, and Sebastian stared at him blankly. Surely he hadn't heard correctly.

"Pardon?" He asked.

Ciel sighed, rolling over in bed so he was staring at Sebastian again. His multi-colored eyes bored into Sebastian's bright red ones.

"You can go to meet William again," he repeated, "but this time you must take me with you."

Sebastian's eyes widened.

"You said…" Ciel's voice quivered, "You said that you would be with me, until the-the very end" He gulped, his hands gripping his comforter tightly.

"We will face the end together."

Sebastian was quiet for a few moments, then he grinned, his vermillion eyes glowing in the darkness.

"Yes, my lord."

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 **A/N:** I hope that wasn't too bad. Meh. Please review, it means a lot. Thanks for reading :)


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